Thursday, October 28, 2010

Maybe one day we will be trumped by our own greed

 We always want to get too much, too much desire in the expansion, the reality is unable to meet the desire of our hearts ... ...

midnight, I wrote to Hsiao Tsu, Hsiao Tsu is my only friend But Hsiao Tsu is not on my side, Hsiao Tsu year went to New York.

Qiao Wan these words, I was at the computer for myself a cigarette, I do not smoke, smoking is Yuqing stay, I learned to like pumping his first cigarette, spicy smoke stimulated my throat, nose, or eyes, so I started to cry, I thought I will not cry, but I still burst into tears.

Hsiao Tsu called when the small room has been filled with a thick smoke, and I kept coughing Duizhuohuatong, I say a word, in New York, Hsiao Tsu do not know in smoking, a bad cough I could not understand Hsiao Tsu talking about, I gave the microphone to the judicial process has proven that Hsiao Tsu, I want to sleep, you are not have to sleep, I know a lunch break the habit of Hsiao Tsu , we are in different hemispheres, but can sleep.

that the last cigarette has been extinguished, and I do not insist on the window, smoke in the cabin has been haunting me misty, and I regard it as Yuqing open hand to hug the body, but not It feels solid, only air.

I pull the phone line, cell phone off, when in fact I know no one will give me a call, Yuqing will not, but I still cut off and the outside world, subconsciously I I just give myself a comfort, to give yourself a reason not sad, to comfort his Yuqing would call me, but I pulled the phone line.

If you can, I do not want to wake up, wake up Yuqing not me, so I poured himself a few more white tablets, Yuqing do not know if he is not around me these days I It has been relying on sleep, and now I know how much I attached his arms,cheap UGG boots, Yuqing know?

I feel like I had a dream, I heard Yuqing called me, well, I hand wants to touch his face, but only the air, the air did not smell of cigarettes, only a very strong welfare Erma Lin smell of disinfectant, I sneezed sensitive.

\I want to reach out and take his glasses off,UGG boots cheap, I do not like the man wearing a black frame glasses, I remember I told Yu Qing said, subconsciously I do not think there is no way that woman, Yu Qing's wife.

Yuqing has grabbed my hand, I watched in silence in front of the man, seems to be sleeping too long, a little headache, a very long period of time we have this relatively quiet.

how could I not remember lying in his hospital, there Yuqing, he was not to accompany his wife? How he at my side? And that long dream, the shadow of only one group Wuban is Yuqing's shadow?

promised me, after not allowed to do anything silly, and not leave me this way, I do not you leave me, never.

Yuqing hold me cry, I cry, always been the case, perhaps we are too tired, they inadvertently tears always flow out, is that right Yuqing?

I do something stupid, I did not. I try to remember, but I do not remember.

I would like to talk about what happened in language, but my sudden intense head pain, the nurse came in carrying a bottle of syrup, I discovered that my right hand is the name of drip, no wonder a bit small pain, swelling of the back of the hand I'm feeling a little, wearing masks revealing only two eyes, a nurse explained, your blood is too thin, continuous bar last night a few needles have not found the right place, now is not the pain? I shook my head, this is not the first time.

Sydney, I do not know you actually commit suicide, sydney, I'm sorry, Sydney, no matter what happened later to have this idea right? Nurses gone, Yuqing gently kissed my lips.

Yuqing, you do not accompany your wife?

Yuqing in the end I do not know what to say, how do I commit suicide? I remember me and Hsiao Tsu off the phone after the sleep, sleeping before I took the pills, and then feel a bit cold, so readily drank a glass of wine.

Yuqing face is moderate, with a little bit sorry, and I gently touched the face Yuqing, Yu Qing, you two days without shaving, right?

Yuqing nodded, put his hand gently back and forth my hand touch, his mouth murmured sorry.

I was afraid someone said to me, I'm sorry, because before this I must have hurt, say it has no meaning,UGG boots clearance, and I do not need Yuqing I'm sorry, but the heart has to understand, perhaps I Yuqing No one indebted at the outset that I am sorry there is no power, even though we loved each other.

I do not want to commit suicide, do not blame, Yuqing, I do not care, since there will not be such a thing.

I feel bad he was, I can not stand his self-reproach, I do not want him to worry about me, I was happy he was happy, his pain and suffering I am better than he, I care so much about Yuqing, care about all of his feelings, so I can only let yourself again and again into the pain and frustration, I know I'm too involved,UGGs, because Yuqing.

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